lola guerrero

50-something empty-nest-search-for-God-and-happiness with more than a dash of humor


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One Day It Will All Make Sense

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Sitting across from Ralph I feel a vibe that I can’t
describe. I only sense it.

“Mom, it will all come together,” he says.
These are the perfect words for me to hear as I struggle with uncertainty about what the heck I’m doing with my life.

Ralph and I share bits and pieces of conversation
about his career and opportunities in New York as relatives are vying for time with him. He only had three days to visit. He came to attend his cousin’s wedding. [It was a really good time. See photo below.]

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My son. In front of me is young man that I pray for nightly.
I pray that he will grow up to use all his talents, be respectful, down to earth . . . all the things that you hope your child becomes. What I sense is that he has all those good qualities and much more.

We have a couple of hours till the wedding so I ask him about his job.

“I like my two bosses. And you asked me two months ago when I started how I would rate it.”

“And what is it from 1-10?” I inquire again. “And don’t tell me what I want to hear just because I’m your mother.”

“It is a 7.5. On a good day an 8.” He smiles.

“Your position is different from what you originally told me you desired to do. I’m confused. I thought you wanted to represent talented artists?”

“That plus produce one day . . . right now I’m marketing Indie films. One day it will all make sense.”

“So . . . what do I tell friends who want to know why you are living in New York?”

“You tell them to keep their eyes open for my name in five years.”

AWW . . . Oh . . . he’s gooood. I’ll use that too when people ask me what the heck I’m doing with my life.

Now I know how to describe the vibe I am getting from my son . . . it is his quiet confidence. I love that about him. I think it’s sexy.
Now, mind you, I know it sounds weird using the word “sexy” as I talk about my son, but you know what I mean.

Having a quiet confidence, whether you are a man or woman, is sexy. There is nothing so annoying as someone constantly boasting about his/her life changing accomplishments.

This I know . . . keep moving forward. Don’t stop.
Don’t let uncertainty and doubts get you down.
Ask God to show you the way. The path will appear.
Trust that it will all come together and make sense.

I made many wrong turns along the way in my life by simply of not checking in first with what God’s plans are for my life. I learned that when go around thinking that I can do it all myself, my plans turn out to be disastrous. And, I tell yah, life is such a B$#@&*! when I try to be in control.

Dear God,
Seems to me you are taking good care of my son living in the Big Apple.
Please continue to teach him the way, light his path, and always find favor in him.

Thank you.

Amen, Lola


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He Is The Yin To My Yang, Part 1

 

 

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Ever have days that you want to eat everything?

Like you want to order TWO butter croissant to go with your triple grande latte. I mean two croissants? Really? 

Right now, I’m thinking about ordering another one because I devoured the first one. I’m patiently waiting in my office, which is Starbucks, for my creative cells in my brain to kick in so I can send  a draft to my editor, Mary Beth, to “clean it up” a bit.

Or, I can bag my writing all together for today and go across the street to McDonald’s and order a Big Mac with cheese, super-sized greasy fries, and a large Diet Coke.

I could go to the pizza joint next door and get a glass of wine, but it’s a bit early for Merlot.

When I have this need to eat everything in sight, I know it’s not about what to eat.
It’s what’s eating me that is the problem.

See, I know all about my moods and my particular frame of mind and body  because of all my self love, self talk, self-help books, meditation tapes, yoga retreats, silent retreats, and ten years of therapy.

Well, I might as well share with you what is eating me.

First, Ralph, my son in New York, quit his full-time job at a talent agency. A job he said he really wanted. I don’t understand these young ones. Why can’t he work there for 50  years and then retire with his bulging 401k folder and retirement gift of a nice watch? But, he tells me he is confused. “I’m  50,” I tell him.  “And, I’m as confused as ever!”

Second, the other day, I received pictures of Napoleon going to the zoo with his mom Ruth and other grandma. I felt jealous of the other grandma. She gets to be with him more than me. She gets to hold him and squeeze his fat cheeks. Napoleon’s parents tell me he is so big! At 15 months, he weighs 32 pounds. He is bigger and stronger than his nanny.

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Now, if he was here, I wouldn’t be at Starbucks on the pity pot, crying over what I don’t have. Napoleon  and I would be at  McDonald’s  and ordering two HAPPY MEALS. And being satisfied. 

Third, last weekend my real estate agent and I went to see a condo. I fretted for days if we should make an offer on the condo. Entering the condo, I felt a positive vibe as I admired the open floor plan and big windows. It totally had feng shui going on. But, there was one glitch.

My Old Wise One was out of town. I can’t make an offer without Old Wise One. He is the yin to my yang.

I fretted over the condo and lost sleep.  Finally I said, “Lola, if you are going to fret it should be over something major like not having running water or money to fix your car.”

Ohhh . . . but this condo, it was close to perfection with its  brown and dark green granite tiles in the kitchen, view of the city, and its cherry  hardwood floors . . . except we needed to partition a section off the living room so we can make a tiny office. Then, I came to my senses.

Part 2 tomorrow