lola guerrero

50-something empty-nest-search-for-God-and-happiness with more than a dash of humor


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Big Fat Juicy Bacon Cheeseburger

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Today . . . the rhythm of the universe
can’t be ignored. The sky is a pretty blue and the sun is out and
everyone seems to be in a happy mood.

I notice people are friendlier during sunny days in the Pacific Northwest.  Everyone I pass by
is wearing pretty summer dresses,  summer T-shirts, shorts, and sandals.
I ruminate over the words in Psalms 118:24.
This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad.
.
I should be rejoicing, singing, and skippin’ to my Starbucks office, but nooo. Not me. Not today.
I feel depleted.
I have no confidence in my  writing; my right side of the brain is not working.
What holds my interest more is wrapping my fingers around
a big fat juicy double cheeseburger with bacon.

What on earth is going on with my brain?

I am reminded of my BF saying something to me the other day about focusing on what is missing in her life, particularly in her marriage, and it made her sad.
Then she caught herself shifting her thoughts. She began to focus on what is working in her marriage. She felt better.

So, the big fat burger will just have to wait for now.

Let me try that exercise. Let me make a list of the
Top 6 things that are working in my life.
Perhaps I will feel better, too.

1. I will get to babysit my grandson, Napoleon, here in Seattle in two months. His parents are going off to a resort for some R&R. I CANNOT WAIT.
Get this . . . my neighbor has a car seat and a playpen for me to use! It’s all meant to be.

2. My nephew and his finance are tying the knot this fall. I’m so excited for them, plus I have a reason to go buy a new dress. Cuz, I never have anything to wear don’t cha know!

3. I GET TO speak at a retreat in two weeks.
Give me a microphone and an audience and I’m
in my ZONE.

4. Ol’ Wise One and I go for walks. Praise God, we have pain-free legs and hips to cover seven miles of beach and parks close to our condo.

5. I get to keep my own work hours so I’m able to
do one of my favorite things in life–go to the gym for an hour and sweat like a pig.
I love it.

6. This Friday I GET TO spend some time
all by myself to do anything I want.
I will not run errands, look over rental agreements,
cook or clean. Just thinking about this time on my hands makes me feel
energetic and giddy.

Now! I’m I’m in rhythm with the universe.
Now, it is time for my Big Fat Juicy Bacon Cheeseburger washed down with a diet Pepsi.

Share with me what you do to get your
brain and body in rhythm with the universe.

Dear God,
I have so much great stuff.
And things are working out in my life.
At times I can’t see. Forgive me for being blind.

Help us begin each day with
good thoughts about You and the beauty that surrounds us.

Thank you.
Amen.


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I Wonder

A young teenager with no shirt but highly decorated with tattoos is pulled by his pit bull on a skateboard. I see a man with a baseball cap with one sleeve neatly folded over sitting on the bench watching sailboats, the ferry, and cruise ships pass by. I wonder is he worried about something? Is he enjoying the sun?

I sit on my deck with my laptop waiting for a molecule of creativity. Nothing. I stare at the white page. It stares back. I wonder what am I going to blog about?

Living in the Pacific Northwest has its perks when the sun comes out. Kids, dogs, and all sorts of colorful people walk on the beach for fun, relaxation, and vitamin D. The downside is that it rains a lot. I watch couples stroll side by side. I wonder which couple is on their first date or unhappily married. I can always tell which couples are miserable with each other.

A perfect summer day in the Pacific Northwest. July 4th is coming to an end. The man with a baseball hat quietly sits watching the ferry. My thoughts turn to him . . . how did he end up with one arm. Was he in the Marines? I wonder if he went to war?

Here I am on my deck. I get to wake up everyday looking at the ocean and yet I get whispers of concern and doubts. I worry about my two adult boys. Will they find passion and purpose in life? Are they doing OK? I hope they find soul mates who are kindhearted and beautiful. I hope they find all they wish for or it finds them. Will I FIND “it”–whatever it is that’s missing from my middle aged life? Most days this question speaks louder than the waves of the ocean and rhythm of summer. My anxiety overrides the of beauty the day. I hope it finds me before I find it.

I have learned, now that the boys are out of the house, to discipline my thoughts and quiet my worries and concerns about my boys’ careers, my own life, my marriage, my mother’s health, and my BF’s back pain. I have to talk to my worries like a little child. “It all will work out,” I say.

Like rain and more rain, the anxieties will stop and allow what we are looking for to appear . . . green trees, fresh air, and a chance to go to the beach with the kids and dogs for some fun and relaxation.

Dear God, Thank you for the beauty before us. The ocean, the sun, green trees, and sunsets at the end of the day. Open our eyes every day to see your everyday masterpiece. It’s all there in front of us. Discipline my everyday thoughts. Don’t let me get off centered today about stuff I can’t control. Amen. Lola