lola guerrero

50-something empty-nest-search-for-God-and-happiness with more than a dash of humor

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Not the Perfect Cocktail



She clears her throat. “I have a proposal,” she tells me while I sit in my car.
I hear her cry over the phone. I know that it must have been a hard decision for her to make the call. I have known her for a long time. I know her.

“I need to borrow some cash,” she says.
I hold my breath and slouch down in my driver’s seat.

A friend or a relative borrowing money from me is always an uncomfortable space.
It’s a space I never want to be in.

Friends, relatives, and money do not make the perfect cocktail, nor is such a concoction a solution to a problem.

My husband and I have had a couple of circumstances where friends or relatives came to us for a loan.
“I will pay you back,” they say.
It is such a disappointment when they don’t deliver.
You go out of your way to write them a check and they flake out on you.

There was a time when I vowed never to be the borrower.
I see the borrower as desperate and weak.

I remember when I made that vow.
It was a sunny day in June. This was about 20 years back.
I was at a friend’s home and I asked three different people in the living room if I could borrow $20.00 for gas. One by one they all left the room. As if they never heard me.

Sitting on my friend’s porch, I was  crushed and I felt so alone. I realized this: NO ONE GIVES A HOOT IF YOU HAVE GAS OR NOT IN YOUR TANK!
From then on,  I told myself I will never borrow money from anyone.
If I lose everything in life and I have no food, no gas, and no pot to piss in,I would still
never go to a friend or relative to ask for money.

Instead I would do the following:

1. Get on welfare and food stamps so I could get back on my feet.
2. Sell my body.
3. Work at Shari’s and live off my tips.

Selling my body would be a stretch for me. I would have more success being on welfare or working at Shari’s restaurant.

How did I answer to my friend’s proposal? I took a leap of faith.
I felt that she is a true friend who will deliver.
I loaned her the money, but not the amount she asked for.
My husband and I agreed on a certain amount.
I loaned her the money because she is a long time friend.
I trust she will be true to her word.

Dear God,
I have no idea how to pray for this situation. I do know this
I will let it go.  Bless my friend, help her with all that she
is going through. Thank you. Amen.