lola guerrero

50-something empty-nest-search-for-God-and-happiness with more than a dash of humor

Faith or Fear, Pick One, Part 1

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I have learned that we make our own reality.
Will my day be focused on faith or fear?
“Pick one,” I say.

Finally my son Ralph called from N.Y. We had not talked
for about ten days.

In short phrases, he caught me up to date. “Mom, sorry I have not called. I consider you my best friend so I’m going to tell you that I was in Las Vegas for the weekend. Had to clear my head, my life is not what I want it to be. Went to Las Vegas, I gambled and smoked.”

Listening to this, my first response is Argghh . . . he will get lung cancer like my dad.

“I thought you quit smoking.” I say.
“I only smoked in Vegas. I’m back now and my head is clear. On Tuesday I have a job interview.”

Hmmm . . . I have never known anyone who clears their head by going to
Las Vegas to gamble and smoke. Guess Las Vegas can do that for some folks.
Good to know.

My heart beat seems to fall flat. I checked my pulse.
Okay, my heart is still going.

But, I feel the fear take over my body.
It goes straight to my brain and shakes up my brain cells. They scream is  he a gambler?
How will he pay his rent? Does he have money for food? Did he go to half a dozen strip clubs?
Is he into porn?

As a mom, I fear for my adult children and the choices
they make. But I have come far as a parent. I ‘m mindful of the fact that
fear is not going to help me get through the day.
It will only fester and block any kind of positive energy
or grateful thoughts I have.
Fear will paralyze me to the point of not
showing up where I’m suppose to be.
I will not be able to pay attention to what matters.

After this phone call with Ralph, I asked myself,
“OK, Lola, how do you want your reality to be? Will it be faith- or fear-driven?
I chose faith.

I drove to the chapel and lit a candle for my 24-year-old baby. Yes, Ralph is still my baby.
I asked God to bless him with clarity and wisdom to do the right thing. I left all my fears at the foot of the cross, and then I tended to all my endless errands while a mantra swirled in my head.

It went like this:
“Hail, Mary, full of grace, I release my son to you.”
This meditation comforts my heart. It gives me
strength not to fall apart. I feel better.

The next day, I received another phone call. It was my mother.

Part 2 Tomorrow

Author: lolaguerrero

50 something, mother of two, married, grandson named Napoleon. Love to go to the gym, watch films, act, write, jog, walk 10 miles with my husband, wine and travel. I"m a double tall, NF latte with half a pump of mocha with whip cream.

One thought on “Faith or Fear, Pick One, Part 1

  1. Pingback: Faith or Fear, Pick One | lolaguerrero

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