lola guerrero

50-something empty-nest-search-for-God-and-happiness with more than a dash of humor

“Get Out of Jail” Card, Part 2

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A light switch turned on when I turned 50.
My voice was always meek and shallow. I had no idea that I spoke from my throat.

In acting class, my teacher, Robin, said to me, “Speak from your gut.” She put her hand on her stomach.
“The tone and how you deliver your lines will make a big difference.”

She was right. Now, my tone is deeper, stronger. I speak for a reason. I want to be heard. I desire my thoughts and feelings to be considered.

I have to always keep in mind . . . saying NO is OK.
The sky will not fall; no one will bleed to death.

I decided I was going to honor me this Sunday. And when I took steps to make that happen . . .

Damn! Did I get excited!

For sure, I’m heading to the gym and after that a movie with popcorn and candy.

Does it sound selfish?
Being selfish has its place and time.
It’s about loving yourself. Putting yourself 1st.

Ever wonder who’s life is it?
Are we going to live authentically and be true to our heart’s desire even for one day?

Or are we going to put on a fake smile in order to please others?

It is poison to walk around being fake . . . our whole being is not real.

I have done it many times for survival, but now I know that I can’t do it anymore.

I have realized that, usually, the person I’m pleasing doesn’t appreciate my company and what I bring to the table.
When this happens, I feel my lower intestines coil up. A knot that feels like the size of an orange just sits there in my lower gut. I feel sick.

I love that I had this conversation with my BF two weeks ago.
I was complaining to her that I never have time for what I want to do and she asks, “What’s your part in this situation?’
My part was that I’m pleasing everyone but me.
As Dr. Phil would say, “How’s that workin’ for yah?”

Yes, we have family obligations: funerals, weddings , birthdays, Thanksgiving dinners . . . I get it.
I know which services to attend.

But, when you begin to get quiet and spend some time alone with God in meditation and in prayer you intuit what feels right and what doesn’t.
That is  the beginning of wisdom and pure acceptance of who you are.
It’s the start of standing firm.
Your yes will be yes and no will be no.

Dear God,
I believe you put people in my life to challenge me. And you give me setbacks to help me grow.

I don’t like these challenges, but I know they will make me a better person.
To love more and not hate.
To be more forgiving.
To rise to the occasion and not shrink in fear.

Increase our love to all the Bettys in our lives, but help us see when enough is enough. Bless us with peace and knowing that it is OK to say NO once in awhile.

Amen,

Lola

Author: lolaguerrero

50 something, mother of two, married, grandson named Napoleon. Love to go to the gym, watch films, act, write, jog, walk 10 miles with my husband, wine and travel. I"m a double tall, NF latte with half a pump of mocha with whip cream.

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