lola guerrero

50-something empty-nest-search-for-God-and-happiness with more than a dash of humor

I Didn’t Sign Up For This

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Today marks 26 years of being with the same man.

Can you imagine?
Happy Anniversary to me.
Another gold star on my marriage certificate.
You may be wondering how I got to
26 years. Well, I will tell yah.

This much I have learned–there is no “secret” to a long-sometimes-happy, disagreements-rich, full-of-compromises marriage.

It’s hard work 24-7 and a long haul.

I had no idea what I was doing 26 years ago and I still don’t.
I think, “What’s going on here? I didn’t sign up for this.”
And, then I answer myself,  “Yes, you did.”

My husband and I love to
take long walks along the beach or around our neighborhood
when the sun is out.
And then we go in the direction
of a nearby park with picnic tables and huge 100-year-old trees.

Sometimes there are cracks along the sidewalk and if I don’t look down and notice where I’m going, I can easily stumble, loose my balance, fall, and twist an ankle.

Marriages have stumbling places like this, too.

My husband and I sometimes walk separately and alone because we simply can’t agree , have disappointed one another, or just can’t stand the sight of each other any longer.

When this happens I feel lost on my walks.  I’m insecure  about my next step and anxiety sets in. Those old trees are scary.

At these times, alone and overwhelmed by my forest of doubts, is when God and I meet. This is the time I question my love for my husband, my love for myself, who I am, the value of my life,
and whether it is worth it to move forward.

I cry out for God’s arms to hold me and to say to me
in audible voice “Don’t give up. Be strong.”

I say to God, “If he would only change the way I want him to and
be more sensitive and listen to me, I would love him,  even more . . .  it’s not working and, by the way,
he needs to be SAVED.”

Then, the reply is “Stop doing the work of the Holy Spirit, my dear one. It’s you who needs to change. You who needs to be SAVED.”

When I make a few minor adjustments in my attitude so that I am open and able to listen to him. And I have the patience to let him finish his sentence. And when I am being more grateful and thanking him for all he does for our family, I notice more positives in our marriage. We are much happier and the kids are calmer. We are in sync. We talk more. We love more.

How do you keep your love going?

Dear God,

Thank you for my marriage. I know I couldn’t have done
it without your guidance, support, and loving
arms to hold me up when all I want to do is to give up, curl up
under the covers, and wait for when its all over.

My husband and boys are the reasons why
I stay on my knees and keep on praying to you to help me
be the best wife and mom in your eyes.

Today, bless all the couples with the gift of seeing the best in each other, listening to each other, and lifting each other up.

Amen.
Lola

Author: lolaguerrero

50 something, mother of two, married, grandson named Napoleon. Love to go to the gym, watch films, act, write, jog, walk 10 miles with my husband, wine and travel. I"m a double tall, NF latte with half a pump of mocha with whip cream.

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