lola guerrero

50-something empty-nest-search-for-God-and-happiness with more than a dash of humor

I Wonder


A young teenager with no shirt but highly decorated with tattoos is pulled by his pit bull on a skateboard. I see a man with a baseball cap with one sleeve neatly folded over sitting on the bench watching sailboats, the ferry, and cruise ships pass by. I wonder is he worried about something? Is he enjoying the sun?

I sit on my deck with my laptop waiting for a molecule of creativity. Nothing. I stare at the white page. It stares back. I wonder what am I going to blog about?

Living in the Pacific Northwest has its perks when the sun comes out. Kids, dogs, and all sorts of colorful people walk on the beach for fun, relaxation, and vitamin D. The downside is that it rains a lot. I watch couples stroll side by side. I wonder which couple is on their first date or unhappily married. I can always tell which couples are miserable with each other.

A perfect summer day in the Pacific Northwest. July 4th is coming to an end. The man with a baseball hat quietly sits watching the ferry. My thoughts turn to him . . . how did he end up with one arm. Was he in the Marines? I wonder if he went to war?

Here I am on my deck. I get to wake up everyday looking at the ocean and yet I get whispers of concern and doubts. I worry about my two adult boys. Will they find passion and purpose in life? Are they doing OK? I hope they find soul mates who are kindhearted and beautiful. I hope they find all they wish for or it finds them. Will I FIND “it”–whatever it is that’s missing from my middle aged life? Most days this question speaks louder than the waves of the ocean and rhythm of summer. My anxiety overrides the of beauty the day. I hope it finds me before I find it.

I have learned, now that the boys are out of the house, to discipline my thoughts and quiet my worries and concerns about my boys’ careers, my own life, my marriage, my mother’s health, and my BF’s back pain. I have to talk to my worries like a little child. “It all will work out,” I say.

Like rain and more rain, the anxieties will stop and allow what we are looking for to appear . . . green trees, fresh air, and a chance to go to the beach with the kids and dogs for some fun and relaxation.

Dear God, Thank you for the beauty before us. The ocean, the sun, green trees, and sunsets at the end of the day. Open our eyes every day to see your everyday masterpiece. It’s all there in front of us. Discipline my everyday thoughts. Don’t let me get off centered today about stuff I can’t control. Amen. Lola

Author: lolaguerrero

50 something, mother of two, married, grandson named Napoleon. Love to go to the gym, watch films, act, write, jog, walk 10 miles with my husband, wine and travel. I"m a double tall, NF latte with half a pump of mocha with whip cream.

2 thoughts on “I Wonder

  1. Girl! This is amazing!!? Best yet in my opinion! Love the flow, descriptive way you write and the question you express about people you observed!!! So is the plan to share this Mbeth first she edits and then you post?

    Sent from my iPhone


  2. I dig your writing style. I think we have much in common.
    Feel free to check out my blog and let me know what you think.


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