lola guerrero

50-something empty-nest-search-for-God-and-happiness with more than a dash of humor

What Will The Neighbors Think

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When I was in college, I had a two-door mustang
that had 110,000 miles on it. It was old.
One window had to be pushed down manually and
the defroster didn’t work. When I made turns,
it would stop. Oh the days of going to college,
having two jobs, and still no money to get
my car fixed. Poor me.

Fast forward to 30 years later.

My husband brings home a car and asks
if I want to go for a ride. I never turn down
an invitation for a ride because maybe, just
maybe, dinner is included.
I see the car and he asks,
“Do you like it?”
Hmm . . . is he joking? It’s a white Mercedes.
What’s not to like?
“You can test drive it and if you like it, I will buy it.”
Lucky me.

At first, I hesitated about driving around in a new Mercedes.
I wondered What will the neighbors think?
Will they say, “Who does she think she is?”
Do I deserve a new car?
Lola, stop the madness in your little head!

The voices didn’t stop. I don’t deserve a car
that shines and has a working defroster.
I’m not worthy of a car that make turns and
doesn’t stop in the middle of the turn.
It has AC and only 500 miles on it.
I seem to think it is a bad thing to own a car that is perfect and
has that new car smell.
Such depleting thoughts.

I don’t give myself permission to receive all that God has in store for me.

Why can’t I pat myself on the back and say
“Yes, I’m a wonderful person that gives and gives
to my mom and aunts that need a rides to the bank or to
Pho Le’s Authentic Vietnamese Cuisine to buy noodles and
frozen banana leaves. I smile at my favorite barista everyday.
I text my BF everyday and ask if she got out of bed. I pray all the time.
I love my husband and boys. I give to to the church.
I give to the universe, but when it gives back to me
I block it. I get in my own way.

What has changed for me is reading books on being the
best you can be, how to love yourself, and be happy.
No kidding. People write about this stuff. I have books by
M. Williamson, Louise Hay, and Sanaya Roman, to name a few.

My eyes are now open. When I give my time or money to
church or school, the universe gives back to me more
than I expected. It’s a sweet deal.

After a year of driving in a cute car I have no
no concern about “what will the neighbors think.”
I’m sure they would love to have a car like mine too!
I know I’m worth it.

Do you recall buying something and
saying in your head, “Oh, I don’t know. I’m not
worthy.” Share it with me.

Dear God,
Thank you for my four wheels. Thank you for my husband and
boys . . . they are healthy and thriving. Thank you for my grandson.
He is as cute as my car and I can’t wait to see him again.
Open my eyes everyday so I can see what you are doing with
my life. Always nudge me and remind me that when I give
love and kindness to the universe, it comes back to me ten times.
Amen.

Lola

 

Author: lolaguerrero

50 something, mother of two, married, grandson named Napoleon. Love to go to the gym, watch films, act, write, jog, walk 10 miles with my husband, wine and travel. I"m a double tall, NF latte with half a pump of mocha with whip cream.

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